Thursday, December 4, 2008

Leaving my baby

When Grayson was born he was supposed to have received an Apnea monitor(for SIDS just in case he has it). Nobody ever brought us one. I talked to the pediatrician about it and he said he'd take care of it. Then recently I found out I was supposed to call my insurance company to find out what companies they cover. I talked to a insurance representative on Tuesday. The man acted like had no clue about the issue. He came across some companies and numbers for me. As soon as I got off the phone with him I called the doctors office to give the nurse the info.

Wednesday morning I got several phone calls from the nurse. The good news is we should be getting the monitor soon. Then later I found out in order to get the monitor I had to be certified in infant CPR. It would have been nice if I was told that before Grayson was born. I spent rest of the day searching online for places that offer infant CPR. I finally found one that isn't too far and wasn't full. The class is tonight 6pm-9:30pm and costed $45. That means I will be away from my son for 4 1/2 hours (that includes the time it will take to get there and back). I have no choice but to leave him with his grandparents until Nathan gets home. The idea of leaving him breaks my heart. I keep telling myself that this is all for him. I pray I don't break down when I leave. In order to get prepared for me being gone for several hours, I'm trying to pump enough milk to sustain him. I pray I get enough.

Next Friday is Nathan's work Christmas party. He wants me to go so bad. I want to go but I didn't won't to leave Grayson. I had planned on taking him with me, but his boss insinuated it wasn't a good idea. Nathan still wants me to go. I'm going to see how tonight goes before I make my decision about going. If I do go then he will be staying with his Uncle Franklin(that is if he isn't working) and Aunt Korey. They don't live far from Nathan's work (where the party will be held). If I go then I plan on going in late and leaving early. I'd actually be away from him less time then I would be tonight. I'll have to see how things go. This whole leaving my son thing isn't going to be a regular habit. I always want him to be near. Its one thing if he's in another room but to be miles away from me. I need strength.

Back to the monitor. Once I receive my certification tonight I will call the doctors office in the morning and they will contact the company. Then someone is going to bring it out to my house and show me how it works. I have to give them a copy of my certification. Lets just pray I never have to use CPR on Grayson and that he never has SIDS.


  1. I am sure it will be hard leaving Grayson, I'm sure I would have the same feelings you are.

  2. I hope everything goes well tonight. I can't believe they never mentioned this BEFORE he was born! I mean you talked about the monitor from early on...someone in the medical staff dropped the ball big time. But on the positive side you will infant CPR certified which is excellent. BTW I talked to Lynda tonight and I'll be able to get away early that night if you do go. I know it's hard on you, but just know that he'll be taken care of and with people that love him almost as much as you do (only almost because you can never compete with a mother's love). Love you! No worries!

  3. I know it's hard to leave him. I couldn't leave Daniel at that age b/c I was already having problems with my milk.

    Is that a hospital policy(the monitor) or just something ya'll wanted to do? A friend of mine youngest was on a monitor for something. *hugs*

  4. Did Grayson show signs of sleep apnea ir are you guys just being precautious? I hope the class went well. It's so hard to leave them when they are so little!

  5. That's kind of odd about the monitor - I've never heard of them recommending it before unless maybe Grayson showed signs of a sleep apnea problem?

    Anyhow, I know how tough it is to leave your baby! :( :(